Trying to figure out how to right myself

Maybe I was ultra sensitive this morning because I was really, really sore, but as soon as I walked into the door at MM, things went to Hell.  The manager got on me about some stupid things.  I got upset to the point of tears.  She then went on to tell me that the newer people that they hired were more qualified than I was which is why I wasn’t getting the same number of hours.  Then, because I was upset and didn’t get a lot done that morning, she asked me why I wondered why I wasn’t getting the hours given that I spent 30 minutes that morning doing nothing.  I told her then that she had no right to say that because except for this morning, there is no question that when I’m there on the clock, I’m working.  I then asked to leave for the day as soon as the next prep person came in.

Went to the grocery store (Wal-Mart actually and got the willies going in there thinking of how horrible it was to work there) to pick up a few items we were out of and bought the makings for chicken noodle soup which I’ve been working on most of the day.  I’ve also spent time in the garden.  Both tasks are very therapeutic.  Nothing like the smell of chicken soup and dirt under your fingernails to put things in perspective.

I don’t think I’m ever going to cut it in any type of menial job.  I simply cannot work in that manner; it feels like I’m being put in the constraints of a box.  What set me off initially was she told me that I had to start using the laminated prep list that had been prepared when the restaurant opened.  I’ve never used that prep list.  At first I followed a handwritten prep list that the trainers prepared the night before and then I started to do it on my own.  It was working perfectly fine.  I was able to decide which items needed to be prepped first, what ones could wait until later, which ones to delegate to which person, etc.  The laminated prep list is really outdated as we use more or less of many of the items on the list.  It took me a while to figure out why she wanted me to do this: she’s taking my ownership of the job away.  There goes a lot of the meaningfulness of the job.

I’m off tomorrow and hopefully by Wednesday I’ll have my head around this.  I can’t afford to quit, although I think the manager would like to see me do that.  I won’t give her that satisfaction.

Things will get better and one day I’ll look back at all of this and laugh at it.

Until later …