There is a woman I know who breeds and trains Border Collies. I’m not going to tell you her name because it isn’t important. We got along well, in fact, I bought a dog from her, Gel. Due to miscommunication via e-mail we developed some tension, which only got worst. We parted ways. That was a sad day because I had a lot to learn from her and we had a lot in common, namely our all-consuming love for these great dogs. E-mail and the Internet are wonderful things, but they can sure cause a lot of heart ache. I know half, maybe a quarter, maybe less, of what it said via e-mail or on mailing lists would never be said in person.
I got an e-mail a few weeks ago from this woman asking if we might try again; that our friendship was too important to throw away due to previous misunderstandings. She said that she was at a point in her life where she didn’t care what people said or thought about her, that she was who she was and was going to stand by that. Sort of like how I said in my post, zero percent bullshit factor.
I’m going through a bit of a healing crisis right now. Homeopathic treatment come sometimes bring out feelings that you’ve suppressed for a long, long time and it’s hard to deal with. I’m blessed with the homeopath I’m using, I’m truly blessed as she’s doing a wonderful job. It is something that I should have done a long, long, long time ago. In fact, I wrote her before I went out to move stock telling her I was afraid to go out, afraid that my anger was going to get out of control and I’d make a mess of things. Sure enough, it happened.
The woman I’m writing about wrote me just a few minutes ago in response to my post today on keeping young dogs away from stock and what she said brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could just break down and cry hard, but right now I can’t, it’s too suppressed, I’ve held too much in for too long and when it does come out, it comes out all ugly and I hurt things. I need to cry, for all the things I’ve done wrong, all the animals I’ve lost, hurt or just not done right by.
I truly am a stupid human.