I wrote quite a bit about my “relationship” (I put relationship in quotes because I don’t even know that I am in a relationship) with Marcus, but I took most of it down over the weekend.  This was for several reasons, one, should Marcus ever make it to my Blog, which I doubt he ever would, he might not appreciate being talked about; two, I don’t want some people to know how I’m suffering; and three, this Blog is supposed to be about my dogs, not me.

Well, if it were not for the dogs, I wouldn’t have met Marcus, even the first time when I met him when he helped butcher the lamb last summer.  It was because of dogs that I borrowed the calves from Marcus.  So, it is still about the dogs.

I am glad that I have several people in my life that I consider “normal” whom I can bounce things off.  The general consensus is to just sit back and let Marcus figure out there’s nothing to be scared of, or that it’s worth the risk.  Life is a risk.  I could crawl back under a rock and hide from my feelings, but I don’t know that I ever could do that now.  I am feeling so alive now that to go back to non-feeling would be worst than how I feel now.  Did that make any sense?

Men, at least reasonably normal, healthy men, are from another planet.  Those who are dysfunctional (which is a whole lot of them) function exactly as I expect them to.  No surprises there.  I’m at a disadvantage with this man because I don’t know what makes him tick.  Maybe I’ll figure it out one day.

I still have his calves so I guess everything is still okay, just stalled out for a while.  It may have absolutely nothing to do with me.  He’s busy.  He has a lot going on in his life.  He is raising a seven year old boy.  This is an extremely busy time of year for landscapers, especially if they do not have reliable help.

My mantra continues to be:  “Whatever.”

Back to the dogs.  I spoke to Josey’s breeder this morning (Joe) and updated him on her progress.  She’s doing great.  I’m really going to miss her when she goes back.  She’s such a happy dog.  I had hoped to be able to go out there next weekend in preparation for the trial on Memorial Day, but Joe does demos at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville and is doing them next weekend.  The weekend after that is Memorial Day.  Oh well.  I don’t know that it would matter all that much whether I got out there next weekend or not.  The sheep that will be at the trial are extremely light.  Gel will stay off them, there’s no question about that.  As long as he responds quickly and accurately to my flank commands, we may do okay.  I shouldn’t say that actually, if Ican read the sheep accurately and not jump the gun and move too quickly, we’ll do okay.  It isn’t the dog that is the problem, it’s me.  I have Gel entered in Pro-Novice on a compete basis and in Open Ranch, noncompete.  If it is disgustingly hot on Memorial Day, I may not go.  We’ll see.

Poor Fern had an accident in her crate early this morning.  I think this is the first time she’s done that.  What a mess!  I brought the crate outside and hosed it out and left it in the sun to dry.  All three dogs are in their runs today.  Tonight I have to go out back and re-mow the paths where my ElectroNet is set.  The grass has grown up enough so that it’s touching the lowest wires and shorting it out.  It doesn’t take long for the grass to grow up enough to short it out.  I’ve been maintaining the paths I mowed for the first time I set it out there so that it won’t be such a struggle to mow it when I want to move the fence back down.  I’d like to have three sections mowed so I can rotate.  This morning I went out armed for copperheads!  I wore my muckboots and carried a big stick.  I expect the snake I saw last night is in the next county by now.  Either that or it’s going to end up being brought in my house by a cat.  Don’t laugh, I found a baby copperhead in my bathroom last fall.  Luckily it was dead when I found it and none of my cats had been bit.