Last night was bad.  One of my cats, Charya, was missing.  Both Charya and her daughter, Oleander, have been doing poorly.  In fact, I called my vet late last week telling her that I may have to bring in two of my cats to be euthanized in the near future.  Charya had taken a turn for the worst on Monday and I was afraid she had gone off and died.  I couldn’t find her that night, but she reappeared this morning.  Read more about Charya on the cats’ Blog.

I got up this morning and planned to get a few things done in the house (which I did) and then go outside and work out there until it was time to get ready for work.  I came out and put my iPod on and started to work.  The darned ear buds kept falling out, which was getting me progressively angrier and angrier.  Then the ATV kept stalling out.  Then I spilled water all over myself.  By that time, the dogs had hit the deck (smart dogs).  I took the iPod off and tossed it in my car.  Got the ATV down to where the sheep and cattle were fenced and filled up their water buckets and left the ATV down there.  I came back up and looked in my car for the iPod and couldn’t find it.  Lovely.  I all but tore my car apart looking for it.  Finally, I found it and went inside.

My homeopath had wanted me to switch to Hyoscyamus, but I didn’t have that remedy on hand.  In desperation, I took a dose of Pulsatilla and sat down to write for a while.  Within fifteen minutes I was feeling much calmer.

I pulled out some of my old Tricycle Magazines because I was looking for an article on euthanizing pets.  In going through the collection, I came upon an issue that featured articles on loss and letting go.  Hmmmm, sounded like something I should revisit and I did.  One biline caught my attention right away:  “I lost the illusion that anybody ever ‘has’ anyone or anything.”  Martha Beck.  Okay, here I’ve been agonising for a week now over my perceived “loss” when, duh, I never really had it (him) to begin with.  What in the World was wrong with me?  Typical mindless suffering.  If I’m going to suffer, I might as well be mindful about it.

I had planned to drop my road bike off at a local shop on my way to work so I loaded that up and then put the dogs up.  Josey and Fern had been playing in the garden (my unplanted garden) and were both black with dirt.  I was able to get them in their runs without getting dirt on my light purple pants … good thing!

The local bike shop is quite cool.  It is attached to a neat coffee shop.  The sexy man who waited on me did so with his fly down. (big smile)  But in all seriousness, he was very nice and apparently there’s a well established network of people who get together for group rides, race and even in-line skating.  Pretty cool.  I told him to but the minimal amount he’d need to into the bike just so I could ride it for now.  I want to see if I can indeed get back into riding before I spend any substantial money on it.  I’ve always maintained my bikes so it’s in good condition, just a bit dusty and needs oiling and adjusting.  I did spring for a new saddle.  The technology has improved tremendously from when I used to ride.

On the way to the shop, Marcus called on my cell phone.  He called from his cell phone and I didn’t recognize the number so I didn’t take the call.  He called to let me know that six ducklings had hatched from the eggs that he took from me over a month ago.  Good that he called.  I’m playing it cool for now though.  It’s been a rough week for me as far as he’s concerned, all this agonizing about loosing something I didn’t have.  What an utter waste of energy.

I got to work a bit late, but was able to get a substantial amount of work done throughout the day.  I really like my job and the three attorneys I work for.