Thoughts on depression

My view from the milk stool (remember these?) today is on depression and how it hampers creativity. The thing about being depressed is that it’s a condition that you have to deal with pretty much on your own. Sure you can go to a doctor (if you had health insurance) and get medication (which has it’s own set of issues). You can talk to people about it, but eventually you feel like you’ve become a dark cloud that they don’t want around you and that they don’t understand.

Things can sometimes suck in your life and unless you can drag yourself out of suckdom, you’re stuck. Interesting how close “stuck” and “suck” are. It sucks to be stuck in depression. It sucks be be stuck where I am right now period.

But in reality, I’m not in a bad place. It’s just sometimes hard to lift my head up and peel away the discouraging aspects of what’s in my life right now and look at the good. My name appears in a local newspaper three days out of the week, 52 weeks out of the year. My name will go down in history. I am recording history. That’s a good thing, I guess …

Yet I suffer from imposter syndrome. I’m really not very good. I’m the best there is available or the only one who will do it.

For the past few days I’ve been reading old “view from the milk stool” posts and some of them were impactful (at least in my opinion). I’m a writer, that can’t be taken out of me; I’m also a photographer, but I’m lazy on both counts. When you’re stuck, it’s easy to sit on your butt and watch television, or look through Facebook, or nap. It’s much harder to get up and greet the beautiful morning light with a camera in hand. To get milking done before it gets bloody hot and humid. I could work in the garden and get old vegetation cleared out and the beds remulched and ready to plant fall crops. I could bake. I could do a lot of things, but I don’t because I’m stuck.

Just this morning I woke up and saw how foggy it was and thought about the beautiful photographs that could be had if I got up and out. Did I? No. I’m sitting here now looking at the light that’s filtering through the trees and I really don’t have time to go out and get pictures because I need to get ready to go to interviews.

I’ve accomplished a lot in the past five years and I still have so much more to give. I do know that. I think I’m making a change in my school plans and going a different route. This may be a good move in the right direction *if* I can get past the imposter syndrome.

Meanwhile, I need to get in the shower and get ready to go and do interviews. Maybe tomorrow there’ll be a new photograph to post.

Note, I’m not writing this to get words of encouragement. I’m writing because I’m sharing because that’s what I do.

Until later …